This Independence Day, I’m declaring freedom from boring sex. The Fourth of July is the perfect time to see fireworks… outside and inside the bedroom. While it might be hard to feel patriotic in a country that feels divided, one thing we can all agree on is this: pleasure is powerful. Whether you’re celebrating freedom or reclaiming it, this is the land of the free and the home of the freaky, and you would be doing many Americans a disservice to go to bed unsatisfied on our nation’s holiday. So, I’ve got all of the best sex positions to get you through the holiday weekend, seeing stars and stripes.
OK, I did feel a little bit like a teenage boy writing a holiday spam text just now. You know the ones. (I may or may not have received one last year that referred to the holiday as “Inde-penis Day!”) But real talk, let’s take a moment to give the Fourth of July the reverence it deserves: Our founding fathers wrote the Declaration of Independence because King George III was out here stripping people of their unalienable rights without consent. Not cool.
So what better way to honor that historic declaration than to embrace life (in the form of getting it on), exercise your liberty to love who you want, and chase the pursuit of happiness… in bed, with enthusiastic consent. (Take notes, George. We don’t do kings here.)
These five positions are designed to be comfortable and high energy, giving you patriotic pleasure all weekend long. They’ll have you screaming “‘Merica!” by the end of the night.
5 Fourth Of July Sex Positions TO try:
- The Spread Eagle
This position is a simple variation on an American classic. You start sex in the missionary position, then the receiving partner spreads their legs out and up to the sky. It’s that simple and allows for deeper penetration. (If you are freshly shaved and feeling patriotic, you can call it The Bald Eagle. Hah!)
- Midnight Ride
In honor of Paul Revere’s legendary midnight ride to warn the homies that the British are coming, Partner One takes a fast-paced, no-holding-back ride on Partner Two, where ideally, everybody is coming. Fast, urgent, and before the sun comes up.
- Independence Day
Americans are independent! We don’t need anyone else to have a good time. Honor your nation and play with yourself, electric or acoustic, like Allen Collins playing “Free Bird.”
- Red, White, and Legally Blonde
“You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad.” I’m pretty sure this is the only quote anyone remembers from Legally Blonde 2. In honor of Jennifer Coolige’s iconic line, this position involves Partner One getting down on their knees and sucking on Partner Two’s hot dog, or hot dog bun.
- American Hairforce
This position pays tribute to the Air Force. Partner One starts in child’s pose, and Partner Two penetrates from the back. As the rhythm builds, Partner Two grips Partner One’s hair, comfortably and consentually, creating an arch in the spine and a new angle for pleasure. It’s about strength, trust, and soaring to new heights together.
These positions are sure to make your Fourth of July unforgettable. So go ahead, celebrate your freedom and make your own kind of fireworks.