Periodically, you go through something deeply disheartening, yet somehow you’re unable to move past it. There are many reasons behind this, and more often than not, you’ll hear people yearning for closure.
To be very precise, it’s all in the mind, all of it. I know it would’ve felt better to communicate the things you were left with, and how it would’ve felt just right if they had accepted their faults, especially the part where they wronged you. But here’s the thing: the world doesn’t revolve around us. People have free will, and they choose what feels easiest to them. And confronting oneself is never easy, especially when they are the ones in the wrong.
Somewhere along the way, people often become exactly what they once despised. And that’s the part that hurts the most: the disbelief. You search for the version of them that existed once, the version you trusted, the version that made you feel safe, the version which no longer exists.
One of the major reasons people struggle to let go is this thought: “It wasn’t like this. They were never like this. They despised this kind of behaviour, so how can they become it?”
But people change. Everything changes. Nothing stays the same. Some change for the better, some for worse. And regardless of your impact on their life or the relationship you shared, they would’ve changed anyway. What’s important is to stop blaming yourself.
Irrespective of how responsible you were, you did your best. Chances are, even if you had bent yourself into something unrecognisable, the outcome would’ve been the same. There’s a saying: “What is meant to happen will happen, irrespective of your contribution to it.” Let that sink in. Sit with it. Forgive yourself. Forgive them, because honestly, there’s no other way to find peace with it. Surely, granting them forgiveness is not saying that it was okay for however they treated you and made you go through. Forgiving is simply freeing yourself from that dreadful situation. That’ll give you your appetite, sleep, life and silence back.
Life doesn’t stop for anyone. Sure, mourn over it. Feel the rage. Let it out. But don’t stay there for too long, it’ll only drain you and moreover, you are too precious for that. Allow yourself to feel everything, because emotions aren’t meant to be suppressed.
And once you forgive, once you stop seeking answers, you’ll realise you no longer need closure from them, because you gave it to yourself. Choosing yourself. Knowing your worth. Moving forward. Letting the ache soften. Forgiving. That is closure.
You wanted closure, right? So what’s wrong if it comes from you?
If you’re questioning closure and your worth, surely you were the one wronged. You might as well love yourself a little harder. There is absolutely no point in waiting for the “right time” or the “right explanation.”
You are an amazing soul. You deserve love and happiness, please don’t turn it away by staying tangled in something you were never meant to carry. There’s no need to rush. Take it one step at a time. Even a pause does no harm.
And here’s the truth: You survived it, that’s power. And choosing to walk away without answers? That’s growth. The growth, which was the reason for all of it.
Them not giving you a closure, is a closure.
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<p>The post Closure? You Sure? first appeared on Her Campus.</p>