The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Bristol chapter.
Being in the public eye has always been challenging. But being thrust into it because of your connection to a celebrity can be just as difficult. Dr. Lilly Jay knows this struggle firsthand.
Jay, a clinical psychologist specialised in women’s mental health, had been in a romantic relationship with Broadway star Ethan Slater for a little over a decade when he filed for divorce in July 2023, just months after the birth of their baby boy. Slater quickly began dating Ariana Grande, his co-star in the recent film adaptation of Wicked, where Slater plays Boq and Grande plays Glinda.
In a heartfelt personal essay for the Cut, Jay discusses this situation for the first time, nearly five months after the divorce was finalised.
“I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity.”
Dr Lilly Jay
Slater and Grande’s budding relationship faced severe backlash after the news of their relationship broke out, with many labelling Grande a ‘homewrecker’ as rumours suggesting she began dating Slater while he was still married circulated on social media.
In the 1,800-word essay, Jay reflects on how the public downfall of her marriage, the loss of her anonymity, and the ever-visible Wicked press campaign have affected her mental health and career. “Days with my son are sunny. Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker,” she writes.
As a therapist, she expresses concern that the public exposure of her private life may undermine the boundaries protecting her professional relationship with patients. “I’m sorry I can’t be invisible anymore. […] This information about me will rush in like water filling all of the blank spaces where you [her patients] could have, should have, would have imagined me to be whomever you needed,” she explains.
Throughout the essay, Jay shares information that suggests a timeline for the end of her relationship with Slater and highlights the challenges she had to go through while newly postpartum. “I survived preeclampsia, a life-threatening birth complication,” she writes. “As a perinatal psychologist, I knew all the statistics — how vulnerable a marriage is in the postpartum period, how vital community connection is in preventing depression and anxiety, how new parenthood impacts a whole family — but I confidently moved to another country with my 2-month-old baby and my husband to support his career.”
Jay’s narrative has resonated strongly with readers on social media. Many users expressed compassion for her distressing situation, particularly in light of Slater’s request for divorce shortly after Jay had given birth and followed her then-husband across the world.
“Ethan both destroyed her peace as a new mother and utterly mangled her ability to have a blank slate with her patients,” a commenter posted on a Reddit thread that had garnered nearly 19,000 upvotes less than 48 hours after the essay’s publication.
The essay is a letter of introduction to a world that formerly knew her as a “voiceless ex-wife” (in her words). However, this first real contact with the media world is likely not meant to blow the coals of a year-old tabloid scandal. Instead, without naming Slater or Grande, Jay’s writing is graceful and vulnerable, weaving deep questions into her divorce story — how to move on from heartbreak, reclaim your peace, and feel comfortable being known without being truly understood.