Is Boarding School For My Child?

Should I send my child to a boarding school? If you’re asking that question, we can be certain of a few things:

• You love your child VERY much.
• You want to provide them with the best and as many opportunities as possible.

Consequently, the market of boarding school admissions exists to empower a child’s education. What you’re likely wondering, however, is if attending a boarding school is an opportunity that will benefit your child’s development. To better understand the process of making this decision, I interviewed Suzanne Pate. Pate, a retired therapist from Little Rock, Arkansas, opted to attend a boarding school instead of Pine Bluff High School, her hometown’s high school. Pate’s daughter plans to follow in her mother’s footsteps and attend a boarding school in the fall of 2025.

Common Misconceptions of Boarding Schools

Despite what myriad of coming-of-age novels claim, boarding schools aren’t palatial prisons. Additionally, they aren’t orphanages of aristocracy built to house the undisciplined or unwanted children. Suzanne was emphatic on this.

Boarding school is a gift, not a punishment. It’s not about sending kids away because they’ve done something wrong—it’s about giving them access to opportunities, independence, and a top-tier education.

Describing boarding school admissions as a gift is more appropriate than I initially realized. When they give their child a gift, parents do so willingly, not willfully. A mom might give her son in cross-country a pair of Nike Trainers. A father might provide his bookworm of a daughter a signed copy of her favorite novelist’s new release. Those gifts while some might have the expectation of being used (the running shoes, for example), the spirit said gift is given springs from generosity, not cajoling judgment.

Furthermore, think back on the most memorable gifts you’ve received. There’s a high probability those given were given, not just generously, but thoughtfully. Would a new iPad leap with luster to a child who finds more fun and solace in the outdoors? Likewise, would a smattering of top-tier camping supplies hook the interest of a reclusive technophile? The answer to both of these questions, more or less, is a resounding no.

A technophile would prefer the iPad. Conversely, an outdoorsy naturalist’s gaze would be fixed on the camping supplies.

The lesson isn’t lost on us.

The thoughtfulness of its conception and expression make a gift memorable. Those qualities determine whether a gift fits your child like a jewel on a crown or a leash around their neck.

If boarding school is a gift, it’s a gift that’s no different. Thus, consider reframing your question from “Should I send my child to boarding school?” to “Would going to boarding school help my kid?”

What Are The Risks of My Child Going to Boarding School?

A conscientious parent may wonder about the worst-case scenarios at boarding school. Fair enough! While boarding schools aren’t palatial prisons, they’re also not educational paradises. Consider these candid words from an article published by St. Lawrence’s Seminary For Boys, a Catholic Boarding School:

Transitioning into a boarding school can be tough, and sacrifices will be made. Whether it is missing a sibling’s birthday or another family function, being away at a boarding school does mean that there’s the potential for missing out on important events. These are the necessary choices that boys at a boarding school will face.^[1]

Boarding schools, like anywhere in the world, aren’t without risks. Thus, if we’re trying to determine whether or not your student would be a great fit for boarding school, it’s helpful to simulate the worst hypothetical scenarios that could happen. Let’s get some of it out of your system.

When parents consider sending their students to boarding school, I see a list of concerns.

• Homesickness – Adjusting to life away from home can be difficult.
• Academic pressure – Rigorous coursework can be overwhelming.
• Roommate conflicts – Living with a peer isn’t always easy.
• Strict rules – Boarding schools have structured schedules and high expectations.
• Social challenges – Making new friends and fitting in can take time.
• Parental separation – Both students and parents may struggle with the distance.

However, we should also consider the same if a student stays home. After all, you owe it to your students to consider every angle. What do you risk by not sending your child to Boarding School?

• Limited social exposure – Fewer opportunities to meet diverse peers and cultures.
• Too dependent – Parents often manage kid’s schedules, homework, and duties.
• Family conflicts – Tensions with siblings and parental expectations can create stress.
• Distractions – Home comforts, social media, and gaming foster procrastination.
• Little Agency – Some students struggle to develop autonomy with constant oversight.
• Fewer Unique Experiences – Less access to niche courses or unique extracurriculars.

You, your child’s parent, can likely weigh the severity of each risk. If your student thrives with more academic pressure and independence, or perhaps they might judge that extra independence is worth more academic pressure, boarding school might fit their personality and talents better than a traditional high school.

Yet, a traditional school might be a better fit if your student doesn’t handle more unsupervised agency and derives more security from the familiar comforts of home. However, remember that a student will face difficulties, concerns, and challenges of the developmental and existential varieties at home or boarding school (see below).

So, you’re left with two choices. You, the parent, must pick the best poison and prize that best integrates with your child’s talents, personality, and temperament.

What’s Next In Boarding School Admissions?

Next, we’ll discuss navigating the boarding school admissions process in the next article in our Boarding School Admissions series. In that article, we’ll refer copiously to the interview with Suzanne Pate and her daughter’s adventure in finding the right Boarding School.

In the meantime, if you have insights to help students navigate the boarding school admissions process, drop your advice in the comments section below. Likewise, you can also ask questions. I read everyone and am usually able to respond. Finally, if you’d like admissions tips delivered to your inbox, join our newsletter below.

References

^[1] St. Lawrence Seminary High School. “How to Know if Boarding School Is Right for You and Your Child.” St. Lawrence Seminary High School, 4 Feb. 2020, www.stlawrence.edu/publications-events/sls-blog?id=61286/how-to-know-if-boarding-school-is-right-for-you-and-your-child. Accessed 18 Mar. 2025.