This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCSB chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.
It feels like we’re all doomed to find someone during our college years, specifically in Isla Vista. From my own experience and seeing my friends deal with toxic and jealous guys, I realized that especially in college if you end up in the wrong relationship it could ruin everything else you could be doing. While I’m sure there are plenty of people who are lucky enough to meet a supportive guy even during high school or college, it’s always hard as summer begins to creep around the corner and we can’t stop romanticizing about our summer flings. This read is a good reminder that even if you don’t have a partner or end up finding your dream summer fling, you have so many other things to keep busy.
So, What Does “Decentering Men” Actually Mean?
I first saw this specific TikTok on my For You page. Usually, on TikTok, I’m doomscrolling at a rate of one TikTok per second; however, this TikTok caught my eye because I was confused about what decentering men meant. I went down a rabbit hole, searching for what this perspective – even lifestyle – was all about. What I learned was that decentering men isn’t pretending you don’t want a relationship, it’s more about centering YOU and breaking free from craving male attention. It’s about validating your own worth and existence by your standards.
This Isn’t a Hate Message to Men. It’s a Reminder to Focus On Yourself First
Decentering men isn’t about hating them – it’s about shifting away from their gaze and becoming indifferent to their perception of you. There’s no need to feel ashamed about wanting your summer fling to turn into a relationship. It’s ok to want someone, however decentering men can help you focus more importantly on yourself and who you are without men being in the equation.
Some other ways of decentering men include trying not to be in a rush to be romantically involved. This is your reminder that everyone eventually finds their person, so don’t stress about it so much. Especially as a college student, you have so much life to live and experience, no need to fret if you haven’t met the right person yet. In practice, once you stop stressing about thoughts of “Does he like me or not?” and shift your energy and focus towards other relationships such as your family and friends, you’ll be living a more fulfilling life that makes YOU in control.
Putting Myself First Means Keeping Myself Accountable This Summer
This summer, I want to keep myself accountable and remind myself of all the people and extracurriculars I could be putting my time and money into, instead of a boy who may not even be emotionally mature enough. I’ve made sure that my hometown friends get to stay with me in college or drive down to hang out with my family, especially when relatives, like my grandpa from far away, come to visit.
Not only have I been spending quality time with my friends and family but I’ve also kept myself busy professionally. Along with planning ahead for my three clubs for my senior year of college, I’ve also been grateful for the opportunity to work a full-time summer internship. I absolutely adore dressing up every day and coming into the office with a bright smile and curious mind ready to learn. It’s been a place for growth and creativity, where instead of daydreaming about boys, I turn this imagination towards focusing on brainstorming content ideas and marketing strategies.