This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCSB chapter.
We all invest so much time into academics, extracurriculars, and making friends, but I want to talk about the importance of investing in ourselves because we don’t talk about it enough. As valuable as connections with other people are, having a good relationship with yourself is just as important, and I believe everyone should consider themselves their own best friend!
FRESHMAN FRENZY
Whenever I visit my hometown, people bombard me with questions about my college experience. Although I love UCSB, I usually tell people I’ve spent a lot of time experiencing the freshman frenzy, which I define as the overwhelming feeling of needing to be living your best life and having a million friends when you’re really just trying to survive.
College is a huge transition, but we tend to place a lot of pressure on it, being the best years of our lives when, in reality, it can be really rough at the beginning and throughout all your years in college.
As a freshman, I feel a lot of pressure to make friends and be with people all the time. In the beginning, I found that people valued the quantity of people over the quality of them. It didn’t matter who you were with as long as you were with someone. Feeling this pressure led to me saying yes to everything because I had a bad case of FOMO. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed.
If you’ve ever felt this way or are feeling this way now, please know you are not alone!! The freshman frenzy is a canon event we all go through, but it will pass, and you’ll find your people and communities on campus. With that said, experiencing the freshman frenzy forced me to start spending some of my time alone and re-evaluate my life.
WHY SPENDING TIME ALONE IS GOOD FOR YOU
For some, spending time alone is really easy and, in fact, enjoyable. For others, spending time alone can be daunting, unsettling, and even a little bit scary. When you’re alone, it forces you to sit with your thoughts (which is not everyone’s ideal situation), but it can be a really enlightening experience.
Spending time in solitude can allow you to learn more about yourself. It gives you the space to clear your mind and figure out what you really want out of yourself in that moment or even what you want out of your life.
As an extrovert, I love making friends and being around people, but spending dedicated time alone can be the perfect way to recharge and give my brain a little break from the busy reality that is my life. I’m also an empath, which typically means taking on other people’s emotions, so being alone can be a good way to focus on my feelings and re-evaluate what I have the capacity for.
One subtle pro to spending time alone is that it may push you outside your comfort zone. In my first class at UCSB, I knew nobody. Going in alone was mildly terrifying, but I ended up sitting by three girls who are some of my good friends now. If I had gone into that class with existing friends, I would never have pushed myself to talk to new people and create those connections. Spending time alone can make you stronger as you learn to sit with your emotions and gain more trust in yourself.
WAYS TO INTEGRATE IT INTO YOUR LIFE
Many of us typically unintentionally spend time alone, but just as you put intention into your friendships, you need to put intention into time with yourself, too. Here are a few ways to spend dedicated time with yourself every week. One small way I integrate being alone into my life is by going to the dining hall alone. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes it can be daunting to eat alone when everyone else is with friends. It’s small, and you don’t have to stay for long, but sitting in the dining hall by yourself can actually be a good experience and is the perfect way to start integrating solitude into your life.
I also make an effort to go on one solo sunset walk every week. This is my favorite way to spend time alone, as pondering your thoughts is a little easier when you’re watching a beautiful sunset. I bring my headphones and listen to music, or sometimes I just watch and listen to the waves. Either way, I find it’s the perfect way to unwind and reflect on my day with gratitude and acceptance.
One day, I got up early and walked to Campus Point for sunrise; it was one of the most peaceful experiences I’ve had at UCSB. I was able to simply reflect and set an intention for my day as I watched the sky wake up. Although this is a fun activity with friends, there’s something special about going solo. I even paired it with another tip I have: mediation. Meditating in the mornings is a great way to prepare for your day and spend some time with your thoughts. YouTube has a lot of great options, but I personally love the app Insight Timer, which has all the meditations you could possibly need.
My last idea for you is to take yourself on a cute solo date. Go to dinner at your favorite restaurant or try a new food place you’ve been eyeing. Take yourself shopping or see that movie you’ve watched the trailers for. You don’t need another person or a special occasion to celebrate or do something you’ve been wanting to do. You deserve a break and a fun night out, so why not initiate it yourself and plan the perfect evening? I find this can be especially helpful because it removes the external barriers of whether everyone is having fun. The pressure is off because as long as you enjoy it, that’s all that matters.
FINAL THOUGHTS
So, have I convinced you to become your own best friend? Society has made being alone seem bad, but we have the power to reshape the narrative. Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely, even if that’s the picture that is often painted. Spending time alone is good for you and something we should all try.
My challenge for you this week is to dedicate at least 15 minutes to being alone and observe how your life changes. The next week, dedicate 30 minutes, and then the week after that, 1 hour until you discover what works best for you. Remember that genuinely, no one cares that you are by yourself. People wrap themselves up in their world, so don’t be embarrassed to be alone; embrace it.
You never know what could happen when you go into something alone, what epiphanies you could come to, or all the potential you could unlock when you finally have the energy to be your best self. Becoming your own best friend doesn’t mean cutting out all other friendships; it just means prioritizing yourself and your well-being as much as friends because YOU deserve the same love and energy you give to others.
